In his first letter, John is very clear: God is love; and only the ones who love know God.
It may be difficult to understand and to accept, when we are daily confronted with a world full of evil. We may ask ourselves if God is really in charge, because the world seems to be in the hands of a dark and evil power, not only the world outside us but the world within our hearts as well.
The word love is repeated endless times in all kinds of situations, and it may mean a lot of very different things; for instance, lust and selfishness are taken for love. Whenever a man wants to seduce a woman, he will tell her: I love you, even if he just wants to have sex with her; afterward, he dumps her, as a used object that lost all its value. That is not love at all; in fact, it is a total misrepresentation of love.
Jesus’ guidelines for true love
Today’s Gospel (Jo 15:9-17) is one of my preferred passages, which I use many times in reflexions for married couples. Jesus presents us with some very important points about love.
- Remain in love. Love cannot be for a moment or for a few days only. True love is for life. To remain in love, one has to make a choice: the choice to protect, defend and enhance love, always remembering that true love comes from God.
- Keep the commandments of love. There is no love without rules. That’s why in the tradition, marriage teachings were so important. There is need of self and mutual respect; and they go together with dialogue and cooperation, with care and kindness. Never abuse your partner, never take him/ her for granted; and be always attentive to the needs of the other. When you give, you shall receive. If you choose to receive only, then you will loose even the little you have.
- The rules and the commandments of love are not oppressive; instead, they support and protect. They make us aware of our weaknesses and shortcomings; and they guide us in a straight path, that brings joy and happiness. Jesus wants that “my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full.” (Jo 9:11).
- The measure of love, according to Jesus, is to be able to suffer for the ones we love. We can see it quite clearly in our parents' love. As today is the mothers’ day, it is good to reflect about that. True parents work and suffer for the children, and they hardly feel the pain of that suffering. True love gives the strength, the courage and the boldness to work and to suffer for the ones we love. And that is the measure of true love in marriage as well.
- In love, there are no servants. The relationship of love makes those in the relationship equal. If one is low, the one in higher position comes down and raises his/ her beloved up. That’s what Jesus did. He humbled himself and became one like us, to raise us to the dignity of children of God.
- In love, there are no secrets. Jesus told his disciples that he revealed to them everything told to him by the Father. True love is based on trust and grows up on trust. The more they trust each other, the more they open their hearts to each other.
May God bless all those who are in marriage and all those who have started walking together the journey of love.
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