WHAT GOD HAS UNITED, MAN MUST NOT DIVIDE

XXVII SUNDAY IN ORDINARY TIME - Mark 10:2-16

When I was young, in my village, divorce was rare or non-existent. Then, in a few years, the culture changed beyond recognition and divorce became a common practice. It became quite easy to get a divorce and many prefer to follow the easy way out. Marriage implies a relationship between two different people. For such a relationship to succeed, both of them must be committed and ready to work together to improve it. This is not possible without humility and self-denial. True love is not just a feeling or a passion; it is a decision that must be renewed every day. Nowadays, many follow the mutual attraction and are ready to live together as long as that attraction lasts. As time passes, the thrill of being together disappears, with disillusion and tiredness setting in. Everybody dreams of happiness and expects to receive it, as if it was a right, while in reality, it is something hardly attainable. I demand that my spouse makes me happy, without realising that my expectations may be too high. To achieve happiness, I must work for it and do everything possible to make my spouse happy. I will receive according to what I give. Happiness is not the absence of difficulties, hardships and pain. Here on earth, there is no life without those things. Happiness can be experienced when we feel at peace with ourselves because we are at peace with others and with God. There is happiness when we have a feeling of well-being because we make sense of our lives. Despite the struggles of life, we don’t regret it because they made our life word living.

In Zambia, I worked a lot with married couples in the parish and the movement Marriage Encounter. And I learned as well with the traditional understanding of marriage and the traditional instructions for marriage. In the tradition, marriage is understood as a journey of two people together through which they should become more and more committed to each other. This journey must be recognised and accompanied by the family and the community. The well-being of the community depends on the well-being of the couple and vice-versa. Even though the sexual relationship in marriage is of great importance and the young couples receive instructions on what is expected of each one of them, the purpose of marriage and its dignity goes beyond the search for self-satisfaction. However, many marriages end in divorce. When that happens, the children suffer a big trauma that will affect them for a long time.

In the gospel of Mark, Jesus is very clear about divorce: it is against God’s plan and God’s will. In marriage, through love, man and woman must become one, and “what God has united, man must not divide.” The teaching is very clear and it does not admit exceptions. 

Both the Catholic and the Orthodox churches, the two twin churches that come from the Apostles, affirm the dignity and the importance of marriage and propose God’s ideal as the true ideal for marriage. It is a commitment of love for life. Thus, in both churches, divorce is seen as a failure to accept God’s plan. The break of trust between the husband and wife, which leads to divorce, is seen as a break of trust with God. Then, how to deal with divorcees? In this respect, the pastoral practice of the two churches has been different. The Catholic Church, considering the marriage before God as an indissoluble bond, has excluded the divorcees from the sacraments and considers a second marriage as being out of the question. In the Orthodox Church, the approach has been different. The breakage of the marriage bond is seen as sinful. However, this sin is not viewed as unforgivable. Thus, in the Orthodox Church, a second marriage may be recognised.

In the Catholic Church, the situation of those who divorced and remarried constitutes an issue for a big debate. Any possible opening in the Church discipline about that is seen with many misgivings and brings the threat of division within the Church. Maybe we should ask ourselves if we cannot learn something from our twin brothers, the Orthodox.